Years... It had been years, too many for Jae to bother counting, since she had been to this city, and as it grew closer and closer in the view port of her Redthorn Class her heart climbed further into her throat, refusing to let her breath easily. The very sight of it was like a vice grip on her heart, tightened with each foot she climbed into view of the city. It pained her, made her mind flutter with memories and made tears form at the corners of her eyes. The years since her birth and childhood in this place had been tough, ridiculous, painful and had taught her so much. But the woman couldn't help but try and cling to tenderness of her childhood: it had been so innocent.
The few years she had spent here were some of the best memories she could dig up from her since then damaged mind, and the digging even took a few minutes... It pained her that it took so long to even try and remember those years. And yet, it wasn't surprising to her either, considering how much other bullshit had happened throughout the rest of her life.
So why was she coming back here? The question sat in the front of her mind, continuously prodding at her brain, causing her to grimace every time see focused her eyesight on the towers of Theed that grew closer.
"I just need to get away for a while..." The whisper was quiet, almost quiet enough to not even echo through the cockpit of her Redthorn.
"Ma'am?" The electronic voice spoke up tentatively, the Slicer droid floating toward the woman and hovering just over the Co-pilot chair. "You've been away from Tadath for almost a year... When are we going back?"
"I don't know, Rivvett. Soon? Eventually? Never?" A sigh riddled her entire body, her shoulders slouching as she clicked and pressed the controls she needed to in order to initiate the landing sequence.
The droid also sighed, the personality that Jaenna had uploaded to him giving way into the worried friend part of it's 'brain'. "We should go back soon, Ma'am. You have duties there as well as what you do with your spice."
"I took my leave for a reason, Riv... Because I couldn't handle the stress."
"You looked so happy though."
"That doesn't mean I actually was." She held a spice packed Lungblaster to her lips and sighed before lighting it and taking a long puff from it. Smoke spilled from her lips within the next few moments, filling the cabin as the purple tinted tendrils of haze reached the ceiling and curled around itself.
The communications within the ship crackled to life. "Identity accepted, land in hanger G, and enjoy your stay on Theed."
Even the voice of the shipyard commanders didn't wake her from her thoughts. Her sea-foam gaze trained on the ceiling watching as the smoke continued to gather above her head, a steady stream slowly rising from the tip of the spice packed Lungblaster. Her mind twisted and turned, pupils dilating as her own special blend of spice gripped her senses. Within moments, the smoke turned into smoldering ashes, the flashing lights in the cockpits turned to blaster fire, and the sound her Slicer droid talking to her turned into the shouts, yells and screams of her fellow troopers and dying enemies. The woman's eyes shut tight, attempting to will the flash backs away, trying to calm back down into her blissful high, but even through her closed eyes she could still
see the smoke curling around her head, circling her just as the smoke from buildings that had been blown apart did. She could
smell the death in the air, the scent piling on itself with each passing moment. The
taste of blood filled her mouth as her flash back self spit on the ground, watching as it mixed and mingled with the dead bodies that surrounded her and her squad mates.
The woman sighed, the hand she lifted to take another puff from her Lungblaster shaking. The intake was deep, long and powerful, her chest expanding a great amount before she took the 'blaster away from her lips and held the smoke in her body.
Again, a sense of bliss caused a shiver to travel up and down Jae's spine, her free hand finally relaxing and settling across her stomach. Relaxing was finally finding it's way to her mind and body, the spice the only thing that allowed it to break through her thoughts and memories. The woman laid back in her pilot's seat, head rolling to it's side as her eyes remained shut tight, lips twitching at the corners, fighting the range of emotions that floated through her mind with each soft breath she took. Her mind released itself then, her mind finding itself back in her childhood, back in her own true happiness. It clung to her mind, to her heart and to her soul, the smoke circling her head and falling down against her body,a ghostly blanket to shield her from thoughts of Tadath.
Rivvett watched as yet again his maker and owner fell into the spell of Spice. He sighed, knowing that it was a habit that kept her happy, and allowed her to get away from the emotional distress that had been causing her so much strife. But that didn't stop the droid from worrying as much as an artificial being could. With another sigh, he took his optical lenses away from Jae and turned to look out of the view port, taking the controls and finishing the landing sequence.
Jae woke up a day later, still curled up in her pilot's chair... a blanket covering her body.
"Thanks, Riv..." Her voice was soft, a yawn passing her lips a moment later. "At least you care." And she fell back into another short nap, wanting to be ready for whatever memories awaited her within the city of Theed.