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Topic:  Red-Combat Engineer
Red
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Red
 
[VE-ARMY] Private Second Class
 
Post Number:  24
Total Posts:  41
Joined:  Oct 2010
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  Red-Combat Engineer
November 22, 2010 1:08:41 AM    View the profile of Red 
OOC:

PSC Red
Combat Engineer
Level 1:Electrical Systems
Story 1: Basic Electronics/Wiring


Red woke up to his alarm clock going off he had the previous day decided his specialty, which in turn had started him to start reading on the electrical systems of everyday things. After studding for half a day he checked his computer to see if he had any messages.

After logging in to his computer he found that he had one message and it said,

====Combat Engineer Training====
===To: PSC Red===
==From: Mr. Ronald’s==
=Subject: Hands on training=

Hello Red I will be your trainer for the beginning levels of the Combat Engineer. I am happy that you decided to become a Combat Engineer, now I know you have heard about some of the training methods that have been in use, but I find that if I don’t rush my trainees’ I find that they have a better time of progressing though the stages of this course.

Now the first thing we are going to do is start with some hands on training with the C1 personal comlink. How we will do that is by taking one apart and having you put it back together that why you know how the wiring of one works than we will go into a test of sorts will I will give you one that has something wrong with the electrical system and you are to fix it.

You are to report to room 550 for your training at 1530, and I would prefer that you were early because this is a class and with take most of the evening.

I look forward to meeting you

Mr. Ronald’s
Combat Engineer Instructor

====End Message====

After Red got done reading the message he looked at his clock which had on it 1140, which meant that he could go eat before heading to his class. He got up from his chair and started walking toward the messhall hoping that they had something good to eat today, before leaving his room in the barracks he grabbed his datapad to do some studying while he ate.

Well at least I am beginning my training now that was a pretty quick response time I wonder what I will learn today, maybe I will use something that I can use for once.

Once he got finished eating he headed back to his room to get his basic wiring kit that he felt that he would need for the training. Once he got to his room and grabbed his supplies that he would need he looked at the clock and it read 1430.

Great I got a hour I really hope that I don’t fail this class, because I really don’t feel like explaining to Luckystar that I failed this simple class. I wonder what would happen if I did really fail it. Well let’s just focus on the goal, and get it done so that I can start to work my way up the levels for this specialty so that I can get to the one that I want to do.

Red walked to the building that the class was going to be in and after forty five minutes he found the class that he was supposed to be in he looked at his watch and found that it said 1515. Good I am fifth teen minutes early I hope that it good enough for my instructor.

He knocked on the door and heard a voice say enter, Red opened the door and went inside once inside he looked around and noticed that there were a lot of machines in the room some of them looked fine and some of them were broke in half, but most of them looked brand new or so it seemed to him. He saw a man sitting at the desk and walked in front of the desk snapped a salute and said, Private Second Class Red reporting as ordered sir.

“Relax we are in a class think of it like school I am the teacher and you are the student, therefore I would like you to call me Mr. Ronald’s from this point on is that understood.”

Red looks at his “teacher” and said, “Yes Mr. Ronald’s I am looking forward to learning something that I can use on the battle field to help out my Squad.”

“I see well you know what we will be working on I will take it apart and you will put it back together if I find that you know enough about the comlink that most Squad units use we will go into the hands on exam.”

Mr. Ronald’s walks over to one of the tables and waits for Red to come to the table. After Red moved to the table Mr. Ronald’s points to the table and says, “This is what the comlink looks like when it is taken apart take as long as you want learning about each component.”

Red looks at the table and studies each component taking each in his hand and feeling each part after about thirty minutes of him studying the comlink Red looks at Mr. Ronald’s and says, “I am ready to watch the process of it being taken apart.”

Mr. Ronald’s walks to another table with a comlink on with a bunch of other tools some that Red didn’t even know what they did. After watching Mr. Ronald’s take it apart four times Red asked, “I think I am ready to try to put it back together now.”

“Good go to the first table and put that one back together.”

He pick up the first piece which the comlink only had three pieces to it and begins putting it back together. After Red put it back together he hands it to Mr. Ronald’s and says, “I am done it is put together right.”

“We shall see about that my student.” Mr. Ronald’s presses the activate button and says something into it, after he heard a reply from someone he pointed to another table and said, “There is something wrong with the electrical system for that comlink you are to fix it so that it will work again. There are tools on the table, but I would prefer if you would use what you brought with you tool wise the wires on the table I will let you use now begin you have one hour.”

Red walked over to the table and looked at the comlink and took it apart, once it was taken apart he noticed that what was wrong with it was that one of the wires coming from the power supply had been burnt. He takes some of the wire on the table and brings out his wire cutters and cuts the wire to proper length, than he takes his wire cutters and cuts the burnt wire off from the power supply to the voice box on the comlink. After getting finished with that he took the new wire and brought out his soldering iron, and connected the new wire to the power supply and the voice box, and then put the comlink back together. After he was done putting it back together he looked at Mr. Ronald’s and said, “I am done with the task.”

Mr. Ronald’s walks up to the table and picks the comlink up and tests it once he finds that it is working properly he says, “Good job you have passed the first class. You are now on the road to becoming a combat engineer, also you completed the task in record time I find that you are a very quick learner and for this I am grateful now go and get some rest I will send you a message when the next class with be.”

Red gets up and puts his tools back into the case, and leaves the classroom and looks at his watch which says 1730. Good I am done just in time to grab something from the mess hall. I wonder what the next class is going to be about.

After he gets done eating he heads back to his room and decides to turn in for the day.



OOC:
Next story this would not pass so pay attention. You have to watch three things.

1. Flow - "Red gets up and puts his tools back into the case, and leaves the classroom and looks at his watch which says 1730." This example was close so I grabbed it. This sentence does not flow at all. It could be a bullet list. So how to fix things like this? You don't need to detail every single action your character makes.That sentence could read: "Red rose from his chair and reached for his tool case. As he put the tools away his eyes kept glancing at the chorno on his wrist, and with every passing minute felt his stomach growl louder for the mess hall. With a final nod to anyone left in the room he made his way towards the food he so desperately needed after such a stressful day." The point being, I detailed all the same actions but with some CD which makes it more interesting for the reader to read. 

2. Tense - Present and Past, you flip flopped them often. Don't feel bad this is the bane of my writing as well. Make sure when you proof read that everything other than dialogue and thoughts are in PAST tense. Its an easy mistake to miss so just try to watch it.

3. Dialogue - This is a bit more advanced but I think you can handle it. Mr. Ronald and Red sound like clones of the same person. Your characters voice and those of the other characters need to have their own essence. Try to picture Mr. Ronald talking in your head as you write and give him a personality of his own. He's your NPC so you can feel free to write from his perspective from time to time.

Good job, covered the topic well, just see what you can do about these things and I promise your writing will improve immensely. PASS 
TRP/PSC Red/2SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/ Tadath/VEA/VE

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[This message has been edited by Havock (edited November 22, 2010 9:30:22 AM)]
Red
ComNet Novice
 
Red
 
[VE-ARMY] Private Second Class
 
Post Number:  32
Total Posts:  41
Joined:  Oct 2010
Status:  Offline
  RE: Red-Combat Engineer
November 23, 2010 5:45:32 AM    View the profile of Red 
OOC:

PSC Red
Combat Engineer
Level 1: Electrical Systems
Story 2: Electrical Systems
Course Type: Lecture/exam
Course Description: Troopers are to demonstrate that they know how the Electrical Systems would apply on the battlefield. Common knowledge of electricity is expected, and should be applied. On top of the lecture, an exam will follow. Wether this is a written or practical exam depends on the instructor.


BEEP…BEEP…BEEP

Red slowly roused as the noise brought him out of his sleep. He looked around and, noticing that the screen on his computer was flashing, got up and walked over to it. Finding that a message was the cause of the aggravating flashing and noise he opened and read it:

====Combat Engineer Training====
===To: PSC Red===
==From: Mr. Ronald’s==
=Subject: Level 1 Phase II of the first course=

Hello again Red. I would like to inform you about the next class for the course, I will be giving a lecture on the uses of Electrical Systems applicable on the battle field. After the lecture I will be giving you an oral test to see if you have learned anything.

I would suggest that you eat light because the lecture will last two hours and the exam will last, at the most, two hours. I hope you have been studying the book that was on the list when you signed up for this specialty.

The class will start at 1400 in room 150 and will go on until everyone in the class has taken the exam. You are expected to be early so that we can begin promptly at 1400. The door will be closed at 13:45 and if you miss this you will have to wait another two weeks before you can take the class again.

See you in class

Mr. Ronalds
Combat Engineer Instructor


====End Message====

After getting done reading the message he gave a quick glance at his clock which read 0745.

Good I got some time to study before the class I wonder what all he is going to talk about. Oh well almost got though the first course after studying and hands on training for the past two weeks.

He walked into the refresher and took a shower after he got done he got dressed and grabbed his datapad and noticed his stomach growl, so he decided to head to the messhall and grab some food before studying. He went and eats and got back and started to study. After he heard an alarm he glanced at the clock an found that it read 1200, and decided to start heading to the class because he is not really sure where the location of the classroom was and the building that the combat engineer course has six floors with at least one hundred rooms on each floor which if you don’t have a map you can get lost in the maze that makes up the hallways of the building.

After walking though half of the first floor, after getting lost three times he found the classroom and walked inside of it and glanced at his watch with read 1330.

Good I still made it early enough to have it look like I am ready to get this class done. I just hope that I can do it.

Red sighs and walked to one of the chairs in the front of the classroom; once he sat down he pulls his datapad and started to study again. After about ten minutes he looked up and saw that there are two other people in the room, besides himself and looked around trying to find Mr. Ronald’s. He hears a door close and looked at the entrance of the classroom and saw the white hair of his instructor. For appearances Mr. Ronald’s looked like he had been though some pretty stressful times, he always had a look of attentiveness that Red found to be scary, he would look at you, and if you looked at his eyes you could see that they were killing eyes.

“Is there a problem with my appearance PSC Red?” Mr. Ronald’s looked at Red, with those eyes searing an image of them into Red’s mind that he would remember for the rest of his life, the eyes of someone that knew what he wanted to do with his life and did it.

“No sorry I was just wondering when the class was going to start?” Red looked down at his boots trying to avoid the eyes that freaked him out a little.

“I see I find that you eagerness will let you go far.” Mr. Ronald’s said with a little laugh after he got done. He walks to the desk at the front of the class and sits down and presses a button on the desk and the wall behind him started to project an image.

“For the first hour we will talk about the importance of some of the electrical systems that the Vast Empire uses today to get the mission that they have done. During the second hour I will play a video of all the different systems that the Vast Empire uses.”

===Two hours later===

“And that is why the Vast Empire needs combat engineers.” Mr. Ronald’s reached for the glass of water that he had gotten half way through the first hour of the class, and drinks the rest of it. “Now for the second part of this class is the oral exam, after you have taken it and I tell you if you passed or not the class is over you will go report to the person you get your orders from for further orders. The first to take the oral test is PSC Red, will the rest of you leave the room.”

After the other two people exit the room Mr. Ronald’s stood up and said, “Now the first thing we will discuss is what you would do if your tools got lost in combat.”

“I am not sure what you mean by the question.” Red looked down at his desk to avoid the “eye trick” that Mr. Ronald’s can do.

“Okay let me rephrase that…” he paused for a moment and then continued, “say if you had dropped your tools trying to flank the enemy what would your plan of action be.”

“Simple I would use what I had on hand and in the basic load out kit that every trooper is given to try to fix any problems that any of the electrical systems might have.” Red looked at Mr. Ronald’s and stared at his nose to try not to look into the eyes.

“I see well than the next question will be your last since you have more common sense than most of the troopers that I train.” Mr. Ronald’s crakes a smile and says, “Say if you had stubbed upon a fortification and you found an unknown electrical system wired to that place and you weren’t sure what it was meant to do what would you do?”

“I see so my Squad stubbles upon this place and I happen to notice this, well the first thing I would do is find out if it still had power, if it was the case that it did I would start using the interface to find out more about it cause if I find out what it does and it can help the Vast Empire than I would report it to the proper channels.” Red started to twiddle his thumbs which he usually did when he was nervous.

Mr. Ronald’s looked at the trooper that he had been training and had noticed the habit right away for what it was, but that still did not change his reply which was, “I find that you are very loyal to our Vast Empire which is good I also find that not many people would start messing with unknown electrical systems to see if they would help the Vast Empire. Due to your answers I find that you have passed the first phase of your training to become a combat engineer. Now get out and wait for the next message from me.”

As Red got up Mr. Ronald’s grabs his hand and shakes it, after Red recovered from that action he left the classroom and headed for Luckystar’s room. After reaching it he knocked and heard an answer to what he assumed was enter and walked into the room and snapped off a salute and said, “I have completed the first level of courses for combat engineer was told by the instructor to get further orders from you.”

“That’s good to hear you can have the rest of the day off now go away.”

Red walked out of the room and to his room he doesn’t even give the effort to get undressed and falls into his bed and passed out.


OOC:
Damn no love from Lucky lol. Keep working on the stuff Raz and I have pointed out. PASS
TRP/PSC Red/2SQD/1PLT/1COM/1BAT/1RGT/ Tadath/VEA/VE

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[This message has been edited by Red (edited November 24, 2010 4:14:29 AM)]
[This message has been edited by Red (edited November 24, 2010 4:24:44 AM)]
[This message has been edited by Havock (edited November 24, 2010 2:59:44 PM)]
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