The Vast Empire Navy welcomes you, Crewman.

I am Warrant Officer 1st Class Hunter-Morrell, the Naval Training Executive Officer (or NTX for short) for the Vast Empire Navy, and I will be helping you today.

Now that you have posted a welcome message here on the Naval Academy board, you completed Imperial Initiation and have started Basic Training. BT, as it is called, is mostly Flight School, which prepares you for daily life in a squadron.

The first step in Flight School is to complete Chapter 1, which can be found here.

Our method of writing here in the Vast Empire Navy (and the Vast Empire) is to write in third person. Please do so. If you have any questions, feel free to ComNet PM myself for guidance or hop on IRC and go to the Naval Academy channel which is #VENA. Good Luck.

Useful Links:

• Basic Training
• Flight School
• Wiki Page Tutorial
• JavaChat

i made a few mistakes here so let me restart:

Physical Appearance
Homeworld: Kashyyk
Age: 27
Species: human
Native Language: wookie, galactic basic
Gender: male
Skin Color: white
Height: 6'7"
Weight: 215lbs
Hair Color: red
Facial Hair: full beard and mustache
Eye Color: blue
Scars: long scar down the right side of his face
Tattoos: Tribal tatoo covering his scar.

Physical Description
  Tall and bulky with muscle, he towers over most that he meets. his long red hair reaches down to the middle of his shoulder blades, and is kept in check with a pony tail. his beard hangs down to the middle of his breast bone and is braided in two. women have been known to get lost in his deep blue eyes. he tries to hide the long scar that runs from his temple to his chin in an arc with a tribal tatoo.

Character’s Background
  Born and raised on kashyyk, Byorninn or "bear" as his friends call him, learned to be quick, tough and resourcefull. His father brought Him there after his mother died in the fire that destroyed his old life on endor. His father liked to waste their hard earned money at the local cantinas and drink and games. one day he crossed the wrong sort and gambled what he didnt have. he lost and couldnt pay his debt, so the thugs lit fire their house as everyone slept, as a warning to all who would cross them. trying to get out, a beam broke loose from the celing and cut bear from temple to chin. after that they moved to kashyyk and his father sobered up and earned a fair, clean life. they lived on the forrest floor, but sometimes went up to trade what they scavenged, mostly exotic plants and pelts.
  Bear spent his time building swoops and other small craft and selling them to the off world trafic that occasionally came. it wasn't much but it always funded his next project. though his father sobered up, Bear still made his home brewed drink. he sold half of it and drank the other half. Though he was happy with his life, Byorninn wanted more. he couldn't stand staying in the same place for too long, and when the recruiters came to kashyyk, Bear gladly joined up with the navy, that offered adventure, thrills, and the promise of seeing new exotic places.

Personality
Byorninn likes the peace and quiet of being alone, but he enjoys the company of others. He will always help a friend in need, but they had better not double cross him. though extremely friendly, he does enjoy a good brawl, especially when hes been drinking. He also talks to himself, a constant reminder of all the years hes lived alone with no friends.

While I am glad that you're constantly revising your bio, it clutters up threads when you post little revisions. Instead, edit your post. In the top right-hand corner of your post, there should be a little icon that looks like a little pen and paper. Click on that and it'll take you to the edit screen.

I'm assuming I'm supposed to be looking at the second bio.

byorninn wrote:Native Language: wookie, galactic basic

Two problems, both relatively minor. The main Wookiee language is called Shyriiwook for starters. Also, while humans can understand it, they lack the necessary vocal chord structure to be able to vocalize it, so it might help to make that distinction somewhere.

byorninn wrote:Height: 6'7"
Weight: 215lbs

Ok. Main problem here is the height/weight ratio. If you're 6'7", you're most likely going to be somewhere around 250 pounds, not 215 because that would make you extremely skinny, almost to the point of being a danger to your health. Also, something else of note is the fact that you said in your bio that you are:

byorninn wrote:Tall and bulky with muscle, he towers over most that he meets.

Which partially contradicts what you put earlier, so I suggest editing that a bit.

byorninn wrote:they lived on the forrest floor

Uh . . . no. Unless you specifically give a location of where you lived, you can't just say on the forest floor, mainly because the majority of the forest floor, also know as the "Shadowlands", were a dangerous place as Wookieepedia puts it:

Wookieepedia wrote:The Shadowlands were a dangerous place, inhabited by savage beasts like katarns and terentateks. Wookiees  seldom went there (by means of wooden elevators) from their platforms. They visited only for ceremonial reasons, such as rites of passage. Famous Wookiees like Chewbacca  would often go there to prove themselves against the forest's strong, natural obstacles. It was also a place of exile.

So pretty much any place on the forest floor is pretty much suicide for anybody other than a Wookiee.



Other than those points, your bio looks good and, as soon as you edit it, I'll pass you.

Thankyou for the info and suggestions.

Physical Appearance
Homeworld: Kashyyk
Age: 27
Species: human
Native Language: he can understand Shyriiwook, galactic basic
Gender: male
Skin Color: white
Height: 6'7"
Weight: 300 lbs
Hair Color: red
Facial Hair: full beard and mustache
Eye Color: blue
Scars: long scar down the right side of his face
Tattoos: Tribal tatoo covering his scar.

Physical Description
  Tall and bulky with muscle, he towers over most that he meets. his long red hair reaches down to the middle of his shoulder blades, and is kept in check with a pony tail. his beard hangs down to the middle of his breast bone and is braided in two. women have been known to get lost in his deep blue eyes. he tries to hide the long scar that runs from his temple to his chin in an arc with a tribal tatoo.

Character’s Background
  Born and raised on kashyyk, Byorninn or "bear" as his friends call him, learned to be quick, tough and resourcefull. His father brought Him there after his mother died in the fire that destroyed his old life. His father liked to waste their hard earned money at the local cantinas on drink and games. one day he crossed the wrong sort and gambled what he didnt have. he lost and couldnt pay his debt, so the thugs lit fire their house as everyone slept, as a warning to all who would cross them. trying to get out, a beam broke loose from the celing and cut bear from temple to chin. after that they moved to a new location kashyyk and his father sobered up and earned a fair, clean life. they lived Out of the way of the natives, for they were not "accepted" among most of the wookies. Bear and his father made a living repairing ships and cargo vessels.
  Bear spent his free time building swoops and other small craft and selling them to the off world trafic that occasionally came. it wasn't much but it always funded his next project. though his father sobered up, Bear still made his home brewed drink. he sold half of it and drank the other half. Though he was happy with his life, Byorninn wanted more. he couldn't stand the thought of staying on kashyyk for his entire life, and when the recruiters came to kashyyk, Bear gladly joined up with the navy, that offered adventure, thrills, and the promise of seeing new exotic places.

Personality
Byorninn likes the peace and quiet of being alone, but he enjoys the company of others. He will always help a friend in need, but they had better not double cross him. though extremely friendly, he does enjoy a good brawl, especially when hes been drinking. He also talks to himself, a constant reminder of all the years hes lived alone with no friends.