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Topic:  New Recruit- Char Bio- Melisandre
Sakura
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Sakura
 
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  New Recruit- Char Bio- Melisandre
March 31, 2010 8:10:12 PM    View the profile of Sakura 
Name: Melisandre Dushambe
Alias(es): Sakura, Mel, Shaede, Slyph
= Physical Appearance =
Homeworld: Born on Dromund Kaas, Raised partially on Korriban and        Ziost.
Age: 217 Apparent age: 24
Species: Gen Dai
Native Language: Sith ( species ), Correllian, Standard
Gender: Female
Skin Color: Asian pale white
Height: 5'4
Weight: 107
Hair Color: Long Black , curly to waist
Facial Hair: n/a
Eye Color: Sky Blue
Scars: Long slash on left side above the hip from a lightsaber
Tattoos: Elaborate Courtesan Crane tattoo , her Mons,  covering her entire back completely with extensions going down thighs, arms , up the neck, the chest, as well as the nether regions. It is predominantly sky blue which enhances her bright eyes. She also has corset piercings on her sides.

== Appearance ==
Sakura normally dresses in the traditional black and white robes of the force users she encountered in her youth on Korriban , Ziost, and Dromund Kaas. The robes, modified to her specifications, to be mainly white with blue highlights , are open on the back showing her elaborate Mons' tattoo, while on the left side of her skirt is a slit most of the way up letting the vibroblade on the inside of her hip be visible, when she wishes.

When Sakura moves it is always with the sinuous grace of a highly trained courtesan, and in her interactions with others she has learned to make her face completely unreadable and impassive at any time she wishes while also remaining capable of feigning any emotion or response required to get the subject to be more amiable towards her, and or her views. She carries a holdout blaster on her hip, in the folds of one of her blue sashes.

If someone were to watch her for a period of time they would probably notice how easily she integrates herself into conversations regardless of the subject and how she immediately causes those around her to loosen up.

== Character’s Background ==

Born on Dromund Kaas , the former capitol of the ancient Sith Empire, she was raised by her uncle Alernus Dushambe, a former Jedi , who had fallen and instead of seeking power he had went into seclusion. He was quite old when she came to him, his brother her father dying soon after her mother did during her birth.

Alernus noted the sparking of the force sensitivity in her and taught her to primarily be aware of it, but not to use it actively. He taught her to use it when flying, or when fighting, but never on the minds of others.
When she was 56, young for a Gen Dai, he was killed by several of the remnants of the Lost Tribe of the Sith, and she was sold into slavery as a courtesan to Dereth Murtas , a rich corporate Ceo living on Korriban, with homes on both Ziost and Coruscant. For the next thirty seven years she served as his slave, doing all he asked without question as she acquired her Mons' and thusly her freedom.

While obtaining her mons she studied the inner workings of upper class society, primarily merchants, and members of the military. She became able to use the force just slightly, unaware that she was doing it, in her interactions with others subtly turning their will to her own. This grew in intensity and skill until she was a master at such endeavors.
Upon leaving servitude she struck out on her own, making credits by doing various odd mercenary jobs, mainly running illegal substances like drugs or weapons. Then she met Jax, a smuggler mercenary who trained her as a pilot in armed starships as well as quite a sword fighter with the vibroblade and proficient in combat from both a distance and close up.

This came from his Mandoralian background, and that of one of his crewmembers, Lucia, a Twilek dark force user who worked as an assassin. Eventually Sakura replaced Lucia and it wasn't long after that she left out on her own, seeking a place of worth to place her skills, the Imperial Navy being the place she knew would lead to her learning to use the force better eventually after she grows in reputation in the Navy Intelligence Division, her goal...

== Personality ==

Sakura is quite an intriguing woman, looking youthful and exuberant about everything, wide eyed and enthused, she seems to be the life of the party, but when threatened or angry her energy becomes cold, like the edge of a blade. When this happens people tend to shy away from her, the vengeful ruthlessness of her outbursts and actions enough to scare even the most faithful friend away.

She is a fan of sculpture and has many pieces of sculpture on board her freighter that she commissioned personally made of her. Slightly obsessed with her appearance she takes quite a long time to get ready to merely go out of her bedroom in the morning, and especially going to formal occasions.

She is cruel beyond measure in obtaining her goals, numb to any pain or suffering those in her way feel. Instead of feeding on it , she feeds on her ability to manipulate others, her knowledge of secrets and gossip being quite a weapon in her formidable hands. Yet this side is never obvious, and when it becomes that way she tends to eliminate those who do understand with extreme prejudice. For this she uses the lightsaber she had stolen from Lucia and killed her with.

Hungry for power through information , intimidation and sheer manipulative genius she prides herself on her 'public image' and takes huge efforts to maintain it.

Now going to the Imperial Naval Academy she has dreams of doing so with ships and Sith powers to back her, but her loyalty does remain to the Order, and the order it seeks to impress on the galaxy. She is ready, eager and willing to learn more and to make contacts, to find others who might be able to help her on her way, who will only want an equal favor in return.
Michizane Sugawara - Aspirant of the Blade / Scholar of the Five Rings /
                                Imperial Navy Intelligence Agent
Drac
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Drac
 
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Post Number:  770
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  RE: New Recruit- Char Bio- Melisandre
April 1, 2010 3:18:51 PM    View the profile of Drac 
Alrighty...first thing: In future, please edit a post or make a reply in the same thread rather than creating a new one over the same topic.

On to the analysis:

This bio is impressively written, but I cannot accept it for several reasons. Before I get into it, though, I'd like to say sorry. You're not going to be happy with me, because this will be a bit harsh. It has to be, and for that I apologize.

The rules of the club state that everything Force-related is the sole territory of the Dark Jedi Order. Anyone who isn't a member of the DJO is not allowed to include any connections, references, etc without approval (Which would be given only for very minor things, and that rarely. I can only think of one example in the time I've been here.).

Because of that, I can't accept this bio until all references to the following are edited out: the Sith, lightsabers, the Force, the Jedi, and anything having to do with them. The planets involved, Dromund Kaas, Ziost, and Korriban, also need to go. They're all too Force-heavy for a being to plausibly come from there without having some sort of history with it, and are also the next best thing to mythological in our current place in the SW timeline.

References to her being part of VENI also need to be removed- VENI is almost exclusively NPC and requires the approval of NCC Denethor.

If you can edit those all out and wish to continue with this character, kudos to you. If you would rather take a completely new approach to your character, though, that is perfectly fine.

-Drac
NAT:1/MCPO Drac/B-1/S:137 Raptor/W:1 Javelin/mSSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/SFC/VEN/VE
[SoA][MC:2][MC:1][NSR:H][NT:H][CBV][SOV][SoL]
(=*A*=)(=*SA*=)

He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep in order to gain what he cannot lose.
Drac's VE Wiki Profile: http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/index.php?title=Drac
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[This message has been edited by Drac (edited April 1, 2010 3:19:19 PM)]
Sakura
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Sakura
 
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  RE: New Recruit- Char Bio- Melisandre
April 1, 2010 6:06:31 PM    View the profile of Sakura 
Ok I understand. And thank you for being honest and blunt with me. I can see how new players could throw the balance off by playing crazy Force Wielders. Hmm... I was kind of set on that though, but i will come up with another concept. Should i post it in this thread?
Michizane Sugawara - Aspirant of the Blade / Scholar of the Five Rings /
                                Imperial Navy Intelligence Agent
Drac
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Drac
 
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Post Number:  772
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  RE: New Recruit- Char Bio- Melisandre
April 1, 2010 6:38:45 PM    View the profile of Drac 
Thank you for understanding. And yes, go ahead and post a new character bio as a reply in this topic. If you want, we can try to arrange a meeting on IRC to discuss the new character bio.

-Drac
NAT:1/MCPO Drac/B-1/S:137 Raptor/W:1 Javelin/mSSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/SFC/VEN/VE
[SoA][MC:2][MC:1][NSR:H][NT:H][CBV][SOV][SoL]
(=*A*=)(=*SA*=)

He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep in order to gain what he cannot lose.
Drac's VE Wiki Profile: http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/index.php?title=Drac
Imperial Network Star Wars Image
Sakura
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Sakura
 
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  RE: New Recruit- Char Bio- Melisandre
April 2, 2010 5:21:29 AM    View the profile of Sakura 
Name: Melisandre Dushambe
Alias(es): Sakura, Mel
= Physical Appearance =
Homeworld: Corellia - Coruscant
Age: 217 Apparent age: 24
Species: Gen Dai
Native Language: Correllian, Standard
Gender: Female
Skin Color: Asian pale white
Height: 5'4
Weight: 107
Hair Color: Long Black , curly to waist
Facial Hair: n/a
Eye Color: Sky Blue
Scars: Long slash on left side above the hip from a vibro-whip one of her patrons used to punish her.
Tattoos: Elaborate Courtesan Crane tattoo , her Mons,  covering her entire back completely with extensions going down thighs, arms , up the neck, the chest, as well as the nether regions. It is predominantly sky blue which enhances her bright eyes. She also has corset piercings on her sides.

== Appearance ==
Sakura normally dresses in the traditional flowing robes of the beautiful courtesans of the palaces of Coruscant and Corellia. The robes, modified to her specifications, to be mainly white with blue highlights , are open on the back showing her elaborate Mons' tattoo, while on the left side of her skirt is a slit most of the way up letting the vibroblade on the inside of her hip be visible, when she wishes.

When Sakura moves it is always with the sinuous grace of a highly trained courtesan, and in her interactions with others she has learned to make her face completely unreadable and impassive at any time she wishes while also remaining capable of feigning any emotion or response required to get the subject to be more amiable towards her, and or her views. She carries a holdout blaster on her hip, in the folds of one of her blue sashes.

If someone were to watch her for a period of time they would probably notice how easily she integrates herself into conversations regardless of the subject and how she immediately causes those around her to loosen up.

== Character’s Background ==

Born on Corellia, she was raised by her uncle Alernus Dushambe, a former high ranking Imperial Intelligence agent turned well known smuggler and assassin , who after making it big had went into seclusion. He was quite old when she came to him, his brother her father dying soon after her mother did during her birth, but this age never affected his relationship with her.

Alernus was a good father to her teaching her all he knew about the intelligence operations he was part of in his youth and his smuggling days.
When she was 56, young for a Gen Dai, he was killed by several of the local smugglers and she was sold into slavery as a courtesan to Dereth Murtas , a rich corporate Ceo living on , with homes on both Ziost and Coruscant. For the next thirty seven years she served as his slave, doing all he asked without question as she acquired her Mons' and thusly her freedom.

While obtaining her mons she studied the inner workings of upper class society, primarily merchants, and members of the military. During this time she acquired contacts around the galaxy and built up a list of information she needed to acquire to propel herself forward.
Upon leaving servitude she struck out on her own, making credits by doing various odd mercenary jobs, mainly running illegal substances like drugs or weapons. Then she met Jax, a smuggler mercenary who trained her as a pilot in armed starships as well as quite a sword fighter with the vibroblade and proficient in combat from both a distance and close up.

This came from his Mandoralian background, and that of one of his crewmembers, Lucia, a Twilek who worked as an assassin. Eventually Sakura replaced Lucia and it wasn't long after that she left out on her own, seeking a place of worth to place her skills. It didnt take her long to decide on the Imperial Navy. Her uncle had worked for them and she was intrigued by the idea of being part of something that mattered.

== Personality ==

Sakura is quite an intriguing woman, looking youthful and exuberant about everything, wide eyed and enthused, she seems to be the life of the party, but when threatened or angry her energy becomes cold, like the edge of a blade. When this happens people tend to shy away from her, the vengeful ruthlessness of her outbursts and actions enough to scare even the most faithful friend away.

She is a fan of sculpture and has many pieces of sculpture on board her freighter that she commissioned personally made of her. Slightly obsessed with her appearance she takes quite a long time to get ready to merely go out of her bedroom in the morning, and especially going to formal occasions.

She is cruel beyond measure in obtaining her goals, numb to any pain or suffering those in her way feel. Instead of feeding on it , she feeds on her ability to manipulate others, her knowledge of secrets and gossip being quite a weapon in her formidable hands. Yet this side is never obvious, and when it becomes that way she tends to eliminate those who do understand with extreme prejudice.

Hungry for power through information , intimidation and sheer manipulative genius she prides herself on her 'public image' and takes huge efforts to maintain it.

Her loyalty remains to the Emperor  and the order he sought to impress on the galaxy. She is ready, eager and willing to learn more and to make contacts, to find others who might be able to help her on her way, who will only want an equal favor in return.
Michizane Sugawara - Aspirant of the Blade / Scholar of the Five Rings /
                                Imperial Navy Intelligence Agent
Drac
ComNet Member
 
Drac
 
[VE-NAVY] Master Chief Petty Officer
 
Post Number:  774
Total Posts:  2191
Joined:  Jan 2009
Status:  Offline
  RE: New Recruit- Char Bio- Melisandre
April 2, 2010 3:24:16 PM    View the profile of Drac 
Very nice. I'm impressed with how you've re-worked it.

You only missed one thing during the re-write: "...Dereth Murtas , a rich corporate Ceo living on , with homes on both Ziost and Coruscant."

Note the extra space (yeah, I can be a grammar nazi ) and Ziost still being there.

I'm approving the bio provisionally, though. Please report to Raptor Squadron for training duty. You'll find our discussion topic in the Navy Main Comnet and our training mission topic in the Naval Story Board.

You still need to make that final edit, but you've got until you graduate from the Academy to do so.

-Drac
NAT:1/MCPO Drac/B-1/S:137 Raptor/W:1 Javelin/mSSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/SFC/VEN/VE
[SoA][MC:2][MC:1][NSR:H][NT:H][CBV][SOV][SoL]
(=*A*=)(=*SA*=)

He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep in order to gain what he cannot lose.
Drac's VE Wiki Profile: http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/index.php?title=Drac
Imperial Network Star Wars Image
Sakura
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Sakura
 
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Post Number:  6
Total Posts:  9
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  RE: New Recruit- Char Bio- Melisandre
April 2, 2010 6:48:10 PM    View the profile of Sakura 
Name: Melisandre Dushambe
Alias(es): Sakura, Mel
= Physical Appearance =
Homeworld: Corellia - Coruscant
Age: 217 Apparent age: 24
Species: Gen Dai
Native Language: Correllian, Standard
Gender: Female
Skin Color: Asian pale white
Height: 5'4
Weight: 107
Hair Color: Long Black , curly to waist
Facial Hair: n/a
Eye Color: Sky Blue
Scars: Long slash on left side above the hip from a vibro-whip one of her patrons used to punish her.
Tattoos: Elaborate Courtesan Crane tattoo , her Mons,  covering her entire back completely with extensions going down thighs, arms , up the neck, the chest, as well as the nether regions. It is predominantly sky blue which enhances her bright eyes. She also has corset piercings on her sides.

== Appearance ==
Sakura normally dresses in the traditional flowing robes of the beautiful courtesans of the palaces of Coruscant and Corellia. The robes, modified to her specifications, to be mainly white with blue highlights , are open on the back showing her elaborate Mons' tattoo, while on the left side of her skirt is a slit most of the way up letting the vibroblade on the inside of her hip be visible, when she wishes.

When Sakura moves it is always with the sinuous grace of a highly trained courtesan, and in her interactions with others she has learned to make her face completely unreadable and impassive at any time she wishes while also remaining capable of feigning any emotion or response required to get the subject to be more amiable towards her, and or her views. She carries a holdout blaster on her hip, in the folds of one of her blue sashes.

If someone were to watch her for a period of time they would probably notice how easily she integrates herself into conversations regardless of the subject and how she immediately causes those around her to loosen up.

== Character’s Background ==

Born on Corellia, she was raised by her uncle Alernus Dushambe, a former high ranking Imperial Intelligence agent turned well known smuggler and assassin , who after making it big had went into seclusion. He was quite old when she came to him, his brother her father dying soon after her mother did during her birth, but this age never affected his relationship with her.

Alernus was a good father to her teaching her all he knew about the intelligence operations he was part of in his youth and his smuggling days.
When she was 56, young for a Gen Dai, he was killed by several of the local smugglers and she was sold into slavery as a courtesan to Dereth Murtas , a rich corporate Ceo living on , with homes on both Corellia and Coruscant. For the next thirty seven years she served as his slave, doing all he asked without question as she acquired her Mons' and thusly her freedom.

While obtaining her mons she studied the inner workings of upper class society, primarily merchants, and members of the military. During this time she acquired contacts around the galaxy and built up a list of information she needed to acquire to propel herself forward.
Upon leaving servitude she struck out on her own, making credits by doing various odd mercenary jobs, mainly running illegal substances like drugs or weapons. Then she met Jax, a smuggler mercenary who trained her as a pilot in armed starships as well as quite a sword fighter with the vibroblade and proficient in combat from both a distance and close up.

This came from his Mandoralian background, and that of one of his crewmembers, Lucia, a Twilek who worked as an assassin. Eventually Sakura replaced Lucia and it wasn't long after that she left out on her own, seeking a place of worth to place her skills. It didnt take her long to decide on the Imperial Navy. Her uncle had worked for them and she was intrigued by the idea of being part of something that mattered.

== Personality ==

Sakura is quite an intriguing woman, looking youthful and exuberant about everything, wide eyed and enthused, she seems to be the life of the party, but when threatened or angry her energy becomes cold, like the edge of a blade. When this happens people tend to shy away from her, the vengeful ruthlessness of her outbursts and actions enough to scare even the most faithful friend away.

She is a fan of sculpture and has many pieces of sculpture on board her freighter that she commissioned personally made of her. Slightly obsessed with her appearance she takes quite a long time to get ready to merely go out of her bedroom in the morning, and especially going to formal occasions.

She is cruel beyond measure in obtaining her goals, numb to any pain or suffering those in her way feel. Instead of feeding on it , she feeds on her ability to manipulate others, her knowledge of secrets and gossip being quite a weapon in her formidable hands. Yet this side is never obvious, and when it becomes that way she tends to eliminate those who do understand with extreme prejudice.

Hungry for power through information , intimidation and sheer manipulative genius she prides herself on her 'public image' and takes huge efforts to maintain it.

Her loyalty remains to the Emperor  and the order he sought to impress on the galaxy. She is ready, eager and willing to learn more and to make contacts, to find others who might be able to help her on her way, who will only want an equal favor in return.
Michizane Sugawara - Aspirant of the Blade / Scholar of the Five Rings /
                                Imperial Navy Intelligence Agent
Drac
ComNet Member
 
Drac
 
[VE-NAVY] Master Chief Petty Officer
 
Post Number:  775
Total Posts:  2191
Joined:  Jan 2009
Status:  Offline
  RE: New Recruit- Char Bio- Melisandre
April 2, 2010 8:09:08 PM    View the profile of Drac 
Approved. Continue on to the training squadron.

-Drac
NAT:1/MCPO Drac/B-1/S:137 Raptor/W:1 Javelin/mSSD Atrus/TF:A/1Flt/SFC/VEN/VE
[SoA][MC:2][MC:1][NSR:H][NT:H][CBV][SOV][SoL]
(=*A*=)(=*SA*=)

He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep in order to gain what he cannot lose.
Drac's VE Wiki Profile: http://www.vastempire.com/wiki/index.php?title=Drac
Imperial Network Star Wars Image
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