"Why did you join?" The question certainly hadn't been asked in a good while. Not since the Academy at least. In passing with Arturus perhaps?
"The Imperials?" Of course the Imperials. The woman nodded, humoring him, before taking a sip from her glass. "Heh... I suppose I was on the run."
"From who?" As she tilted her head, the light streaming from behind her appeared as shadow play on the furniture in the background. The light was from the refresher room; Shaz had left the light activated when he'd gone to splash water on his face only minutes earlier. Sherry was now receiving the details she'd been waiting months to hear; but she was delicate, knowing full well that the Imperial could clamp up at any second.
Shazam smiled briefly before inhaling and saying- "Yea, that's a mighty fine question." Sitting in the chair opposite her, he'd put out two glasses and a bottle of an expensive beverage he'd rather come to like over the years. He'd only been on the planet for a short time, but he'd definitely come to see Sherry more than anything; he'd known her for the better half of a year now through a mutual group of friends, but he hadn't wanted to speak with them. No, his focus was on this young lady.
"I suppose I can't say for sure who I was running from. Could have been any of a couple hundred clients my Uncle smuggled for. A couple, in particular, made for some nasty confrontations, but mostly... I dunno... We were invisible to any database; walking in or out of a popular destination wasn't any kind of problem and we always knew what type of situation we were running into before we made a deal. I'm amazed to this day that someone, even if they wanted to, could have located my Uncle." Shazam didn't mention the fact of his uncle's death, but she'd known about this and he didn't need to go over the details again; murdered on the ramp behind his freighter: what more was their to say? Sherry seemed to be accepting the words without giving away too much of her own thoughts; she just continued to slowly spin her glass in place, never breaking her gaze.
"So why did you decide to come here? Weren't you safe with the Empire? I mean, from these people?" The question was innocent enough, but Shazam had to stifle back his laughter, knowing she might take it badly just yet. He considered the question, instead, with a glance around her frame; she was a fairly regular looking woman, if he had to classify her- nothing that simply sprang out, but she was engaging nonetheless and she seemed to take to Shazam's sense of humor more than anyone he'd met in... Well, years. Besides Jen.
"Safe is a pretty relative term, Hun." He paused to uncap the bottle of ginger liquid, pouring himself another glass. "You're right- I was safe. Even as a fighter pilot, I have to admit, I felt pretty confident that I would see it through most of the fights if I had a fair chance in defending myself. If you were aware enough, you could spot the type of situations that produce what you might call "simply unnavoidables," or just shit out of a luck situations. Those are the battle losses that usually result from some kind of freak accident; one second you're sitting pretty, and the next thing you know: you're wiped out by surprise turrets, or the fuel cells in the ship get taken out while you're strafing... Things that, once you're in 'em, you just can't get away fast enough. But like I said- you can develop an eye for 'em. Certain things just start to look spooky after awhile, y'know? Anyway..." He took a sip of the liquid; it was somewhat effervescent and burned as it streaked down his throat and hit his stomach. "Mmmmm." She smiled and took another glass for herself.
"But that all changed... Because, as a pilot, I was always able to leave it on the field; whatever the consequences, they were bigger than me. I suppose I was also kind of comforted by some notion of duty or... I dunno- preserving the peace or something?" The air cycler re-activated and began to hum as he placed his glass back onto the glass table. "I mean- that's basically what we were being taught. In the eyes of the Empire and its legions, by conquering and controlling the universe, or the greater portion of it and its materials, it could somehow bring a greater peace. If everyone is under the same gun- well, everyone feels like they're on the same page...." He knew his understanding sounded pretty warped, so he added- "But I knew that was all a load of crap. At least, in the beginning I was pretty confident of that. I knew that we were killing people and the purpose didn't make much of a difference at the time; I actually looked down on my squadron mates for some time because I thought they were totally brainwashed, but battle experiences kind of wiped that away. And before too long- I think I was believing it as well. If nothing else, it made it easier to celebrate without thinking of all the suffering you'd put onto someone else. If pressed about it, we might have even said something about how it was for their own good..." Shazam had to choke down another swig as he said that last; how could he be so naive? Or justified, for that matter...?
"But as an officer... Heh- the intel changes. You begin to understand the significance behind certain targets. It's no longer a bunker or building with four walls and a roof..." Shazam was becoming more emphatic now. "It's the General's quarters, or the primary distribution of fuel for the region..." There was no change on her face, but Shazam said- "I know, I know... What of it? But I tell you what, the second I started acquiring more information, all of those ideas that I use to have about organizations like the Empire? They just sprang back into being," he said as he motioned with his hands. "And, even though I've never considered myself a very moral person, there was a part of me that was starting to see things differently. Questions would pop up that I couldn't answer in full honesty without feeling like I was the bad guy: why are we fighting these scumbags in the first place? To prevent the spread of the New Republic? Well yes and no... When yes- usually indirectly. I remember we used to be so relieved when we ran across planetary forces because we knew they would be no match. What I understand now is that those pilots were shaking in their boots. Ninety-nine percent of the time they were dead and they knew it. But it had to be done! Because, for them, they had to make a stand against the Empire..." His voice quivered slightly as he said the word "Empire" and he had to stop for a moment. Pulling himself from his restive posture, reclined in the chair, he squatted forward, resting upon his knees and rubbing his chin and neck.
"Go on..." She beckoned, though softly. He continued to massage his back and neck for a while, but said-
"I suppose I'm really just waking up to what I already knew before. Before all of this time with the Empire... Man, I was so clear on everything- me and my family, and those three or four real good friends as we happened across space... We knew exactly who we were and what we thought about everybody. I knew way back then that the Empire was a sham- a bunch of brain washed elitists looking to rule the galaxy. I think I had similar thoughts about the New Republic, actually: still think they're pretty misguided, to tell ya the truth..."
(Workin on somethin- thinkin I'm gunna like it.)
