Well I've changed my novel a lot, but I haven't thought it straight out yet, though I do have a bit of a good start in a dream that I had with some personal configuration, here it is (and make it objective, alright, not too much bad comments or remarks, alright?):

White City, Utopia. Day before the test. (dream becoming clear this time)

murderer man, control freak, targets people on a certain nights with the dimming of the lights, don't know who the hell he is, but he sure reminds me of Fettel in F.E.A.R.

I saw my mom during my morning exercise time when I was late one day at my school's playground, joking with my friends about the deaths, never learning to respect the dead. She recorded every moment and told me to focus on my studies, the video cam showed that the time was about 96 minutes or something, the camera and umbrella she had was big enough to cover her and a couple of the nearby poor Chinese family. We were separated by a large lake under a bridge where the handles were made in white stones just like Tienanmen Square.

Just then my high school Chinese teacher that I used to know was handing some flowers to a lady kindly in some unidentified building with a guarded gate through the bars (the walls near the gate was also brownish) just after his lessons with us, handing it early Fridays, because Saturdays and Sundays he has to visit students. (pretty odd setup this was, but probably it was, again, mixing my dreams with Keel's.)

I then saw on my way back to school, a white three storied building with many windows and a dark forest nearby, probably already evening, without understanding the reason. There was my middle school science teacher twice, once standing still without a word to my call and the other saying I should be on a hospital bed just before I go inside while I'm waving to her.

I go up the stairs inside, the walls all brown and black and stuff, making an eerie environment and the lights starts to dim in the building. The stairs are suddenly blocked by another conveniently placed on top, with another nearby to make only a small space with yellow bars for me to squeeze through. I suddenly see a sign with a girl stuck on it by a wrench, wearing a blue and red striped shirt, blood all over her and dripping down onto the floor, with the signature Harrow or something on it, written in blood, a fat guy beneath it on the floor, face up, white to his face, also dead. As I shook in fear, they suddenly get up and disappear as the staircase rearranges itself to normal, the staircase I took not being blocked anymore but the stairs that blocked it led to the roof doors.

Lola or is it Madeline, a pretty girl with yellow curly hair told everyone the door was jammed. Brenda and Alex looked surprised at the scene. With the murderer who appeared in a flash of light as he levitated me to the sign, which appeared again, freezing me so that I couldn't move.

"One of your buddies will be dead tonight." He said, as he took off his coat with a needle clipped on it, when asked what it is, he said he'll need it.

After that he turns back to the girls with the same wrench that was stuck on the dead girl from before as he levitated me back to the wall on the left side of the door where we were facing, stabbing the wrench into the water bottle Lola drank from to calm her nerves. She took two gulps, horrified as she dropped the broken bottle, frightened, but no wounds whatsoever on her body, and the bottle landed near me.

The murderer then took the needle, which was actually a push pin with a button on it and stabs it in Alex's eyes, drugging him with the red poison, and with a push of the red button , Alex fell on the staircase, red filling his eyes and coming out his eyes and nose and mouth, without an expression on his face except shock, as I saw Lola looking on, terrified to move.

Brenda quickly broke into a sob, protesting at from her expression, her boyfriend's death by punching the man's back, and throwing what was left of the bottle in his face as the psychopath pushed her back with his right hand, left hand still keeping me from attacking. He took out the wrench from the bottle, the part that he broke, and at the same time Lola gasps panting like she had breathing problems. The murder stabs the girl in the heart with it, as she grunts and spits out:

"bastard!"

It dug deeper as she dies, stuck to the wall to the right of the door from where we were facing. The murderer then puts his grim reaper like coat and his wrench, which now turned out to be a machete, gesturing for the dead ones to following, saying in a dragging and eerie voice:

"This is only the beginning."

The two dead souls popped out and follows, waving goodbye, into the white abyss hole that suddenly appears where I once was stuck, now sitting by the sign by Lola. The hole disappears and I was about to ask Lola if she could see them when she answered my question for me by whispering:

"I can see him, I can see---" She faints, her face all white, as I touch a faint vital, calling on my cell for the police and medical emergency, the two bodies looming before us......

Lots of run ons. Definitely needs some work.

Hope you can handle constructive criticism

It's a bit short and confusing, but there are some promising ideas. Isn't it more of a short story than a novel though?

alright, people, I've got a quite a long leave to get to, so this will be over, for now, but I'll be back, in the meantime, you might want to help me find some books like Tom Clancy's on military stuff, I might need it, just PM me if you have information, I'll look at it when I come back.

  I was a bit confused in the beginning, but then near the middle to the end it started making since(spelling).  It reminded me a lot of the game F.E.A.R. (I noticed you mentioned that game in it) how nothing makes any since like wrenches sticking in people and then suddenly everything does like a mashete(spelling again haha).  And the staircase appearing; I loved that part.  That made me think of that freaky girl that kept appearing in F.E.A.R. *shiver*.  Great Job!

Time to eat some PIZZA while i think of people being stabbed in the eye!       

Deekyn

Oh no...there is a bug with the spell checker that deletes your post

That, Jager, if fricken awesome.

Yeah, it happens, 'tis why I usually write in word, spellcheck, then paste and use the mozilla spellcheck. Not that they're overly effective anyway, as many star wars words no spell checker on earth likes and most the names on here it's pretty set against.

Only five?

I was comparing her story to F.E.A.R. not saying that she copied it from the game!  Pretty much every horror story in the world has an illusion or two in it.  What was that i read about starting fights for no reason?

Oh, ha, I know, I know. I was being facetious.

Deekyn wrote:her

Its a man... Just so everyone knows.