OOC:

Nes
Combat Engineer
Level One: Electrical Systems
Story One: Basic Wiring/Electronics

            The barrack alarms rang through a restless night as the first day of training for the newest combat engineer Nestari is upon him, with flashing lights and a ringing in his ears Nestari “Nes” arose groggily from slumber and quickly got dressed in the typical training attire for the first day cursing as the alarms would not stop. “They warned me it would be this bad” Nes grumbled as he slid his last boot on and made it to the door. As Nes entered the hallway of the barracks the alarm promptly dispatched and Nes cursed again as he realized he was the last to get to the yard.
   
            The other recruits were lined up as he took his place in line and the drill instructor of the day glowered at him, “You are all going to your specific learning center today to be accompanied by a training droid through this your first lesson” this drill instructor at least gave this with a calm voice ever since the first instructor accompanied his voice with what seemed to be a blow horn Nes was leery of the instructors and their constant yelling.
   
          “Private Nes” the instructor called out “You are going to main station room 71345A and meet your droid HK71P to continue your training” as Nes waited for the rest of the recruits to get their assignments he thought of the various small “fixes” he helped his “employer” accomplish through the years past. Nes thought “ Its funny how many small details come back to a person as he learns about those things again” lost in thought again he was the last recruit to leave the ground and didn’t notice until the instructor was breathing inches from his face “You waiting for an engraved invitation?!” “No sir” Nes shouted as he started to turn and run towards his assigned room.
   
          Nes arrived at his room minutes later and noticed a protocol droid waiting for him “Your tardy behavior is not acceptable this will go on your record” HK71P stated as a matter of fact. “You may call me HK71P and I will be instructing you in the basic wiring and electronics of your given specialty”. HK71P then places a small globe and a smaller cube on the table in front of him “Your objective in basic electronics and wiring is to disassemble and reassemble these objects into a single object that is both symmetrical and correct, without the correct sequence of pieces and wires the parts will not function which is a simple holo-projector but will instead explode cause minor damage and forcing you to purchase a new set out of your first pay you have until 1500 hours to complete this assignment”.
   
            Nes grabs the orb and cube to disassemble and can not find a real seam in the components franticly he trys to remember what his manual stated if you can not find a seam in a plasteel component…..”HK71P do you have the specifications for this particular project?” HK71P stated in return “Yes I do part one of the exercise is to utilize your sources as I am your instructor and a viable resource it is acceptable to ask for marginal help” Nes nods at that statement and asks HK71P “Can you display the schematics”, HK71P projects the schematics so reaching back to the training and manual reading Nes had done last night he slowly pictured in his head the finished product and what each component would look like in its current state. Nes pulls out his multi-tool and slowly traces lines around the orb in places that there should be seams in and after a complete circuit has been made the orb snaps open in a hiss and Nes cringes expecting an explosion and after a few painful moments of feeling like a fool he analyses the components to see that there is a basic projector lens, wires and four circuit boards.
   
              “On the second component” Nes states to himself think about the pieces and how they are suppose to go together and with the picture firmly in his head he traces the next line with his multi-tool and after a few moments the cube falls open in his hands revealing a power cell more wires a small cylinder, several more circuit boards and lastly a memory stick which should have the software and information for the holo-projector.
   
                With all the components out and lined up Nes starts with the shell trying to fit the pieces into a pattern that makes sense and after taking the lens into account quickly finds the design he was hoping for now after looking into each piece of the electronic puzzle from different angles Nes works on assembling the pieces taking each board and wire based on the projected schematic from HK71P and placing them in order. Once all the pieces are accounted for and placed in a line of progression Nes takes out his multi-tool and switches it to a soldering component and starts to place piece after piece into place and soldering them together.
   
                After hours of work all the pieces in the correct place Nes inserts the power cell and a soft humming is heard from the projector. HK71P dispatches the holo-schematic he was displaying and a hologram of HK71P is displayed out the top of the projector and starts to talk “Congratulations you have assembled the projector in the allotted time and in the correct manner you next assignment for today is to properly disassemble and reassemble before the power cell explodes ending your brief career and this will be placed in your record” the hologram cuts out and Nes hears a chiming from the holo-projector that indicates a timer. HK71P moves without alerting Nes and steps out the door; Nes turns in time to see the door slide shut and lock. Cursing under his breath Nes takes a look at the problem from a different angle and starts to recall his manual regarding basic explosives and power cells. “If a basic component has been turned into an ordinance removing the power cell will only accelerate the explosion as the power cell has its own internal memory that will remember the command to overload and explode” With this in his mind Nes looks at other avenues for removal and decides to try the lens. With his tools in hand Nes slips the edge of one of the bladed tools under the lens and slowly pried the edge up separating the lens from the housing and as the lens falls out and lands on the table below the chiming from the explosive speeds up revealing the lack of time Nes has to complete the dismantling.
   
              Nes is sweating and his hands are slightly shaking as he dismantles the housing outside the area from the lens, the pieces fall out exposing the wiring left attached to the circuit boards. The colors are delicately exposed revealing the colors as purple, black and yellow each color leading to the circuit board that connects the memory and powercell together will disable the component but which wire is what Nes is thinking. Cursing Nes continues to remember his manual “Black wires depict the connection between timers, counters and other components of time, The yellow wires are used to show the connection to power units and to the circuits that regulate power usage and Purple wires are used to show a connection of complicated operations like visual interpretations of data”. One last thing from his book came to mind at that moment “Complicated data transfer, timing mechanisms and then power lines are the order to remove if you wish to leave an explosive intact after disabling it”. The chimes on the explosive picked up speed again to a whine now getting louder by the second and Nes knew at that moment that he needed to act he slowly snipped the purple wire first and nothing happened, then he clipped the yellow wire still nothing happened lastly he clipped the black wire.
   
                HK71P opened the door expecting to see the damage from an explosion and pieces of his newest recruit on the floor, walls and anything else in the room, to HK71P’s surprise the room was clean and as he looked around he noticed in the far corner a sphere and cube sitting on the desk clean and in place. HK71P looked around and could see nothing of the recruit he called up the monitor on the wall beside to door and inputted the question “Location/Recruit/Nestari Ja’Udd” and after a few moments the map showed a visual of Nes in the mess hall just finishing dinner, if a droid could smile or feel a sense of achievement HK71P would be the first.

OOC:

First of all, welcome to the VE Nes, I know you haven't been here long and it's good to see you so eager to jump in and start your spec.

The information in the above post is relevant, and technical, two things which I really look for in spec posts. Unfortunately, because of the style in which it's presented, it's difficult to read and understand.

I think your main problem is sentence structure. For example:

With all the components out and lined up Nes starts with the shell trying to fit the pieces into a pattern that makes sense and after taking the lens into account quickly finds the design he was hoping for now after looking into each piece of the electronic puzzle from different angles Nes works on assembling the pieces taking each board and wire based on the projected schematic from HK71P and placing them in order

That is one sentence. One. At the very least it should be three. Clear concise sentences enable the reader to discern exactly what is going on, and what exactly it is that your character is doing.

I also want you to be careful of your tenses. With all the components out and lined up Nes starts should be With all the components out and lined up Nes started.

I'd like you to go through and attempt to fix what I've highlighted above. If you have any queries, feel free to PM me using the Comnet Private Message system. Once that's done I'll reread and mark accordingly