"I got scared."

That was the only way she could explain it. She freaked out.
The lost all that confidence she had built up and she hated herself
for it. She put not only herself in danger, but everyone else too.

Tokijin ran a hand through her hair, stress pulling at her.
She was afraid. She didn't want to go back out there and put everyone at risk again.

Trevor looked at her for a moment, trying to understand. Toki didn't look up at him. She was ashamed but she knew this conversation was going to happen. She had been thinking about this for a while, trying to figure out why fear had stricken her so badly, and how she might avoid it in the future.

Trevor nodded, hoping she would continue, maybe just vent to him and things would be alright. He was fearing what would come from this conversation.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I just...lost everything I had gained from this whole experience in that one moment." Toki looked up first around the mess hall and then slowly turned her gaze to Trevor.

"Trev...I..I've been thinking about this..And I don't want to put you
in any more danger...I think I should stop flying with Nazgul.." She
closed her eyes and gripped the fork she had in her hand so hard her knuckles turned a hue of white.

Trevor's eyes opened wide, skeptical at the words that had passed her lips.

"Wait, no, Toki, we can help you. You don't have to stop flying just because of one bad day."

Toki shook her head. "I can't...I can't risk it Trevor." She loved flying and she loved being in the sky. She didn't want to give that up. Flying had done so much for her. It offered her more freedom than she had ever had in her life.

But if she kept flying and all that she had found here at the navy was lost, she wouldn't be able to stand it. She wasn't a strong person and after finally finding someone who cared, she thought that maybe, just maybe, she had grown a little stronger. Maybe she had, but as they way things appeared to her, she wasn't.

She couldn't lose him.

"But...Toki.." He couldn't quite understand her motives but if this was her choice...

Now, she figured was the best time if there was one to vent.

"I know Trevor..I want to become a better person..I want to be able to fight by your side but not put you in more danger than there already is by being with me. I want to stay in the navy, and i want to stay with you. But I'm not sure how." She slumped back into her chair, setting down her fork and sighing as she did so.

"Gah!" Toki let out a frustrated moan and rested her face in her hands. Why did this have to be so complicated? Why did her emotions have to tie her down all the time? She was so mad at herself for giving up all that she had worked towards, but
then sadness swept in and took over. She wanted to keep seeing her squadron mates like she had been. They were a family to her and she felt like she was abandoning them.

Like you did before? A quiet voice whispered in the back of her mind, doubt and confusion adding to the mess.
What? No! She was never my family! She never loved me.

What about him? He needed you and you let him die.

A war raged in her mind, and Toki was succumbing to it. She had been alone then. So lost. There wasn't anything she could've done and she had reached her breaking point.

...But I'm not alone She looked up at Trevor, her strength slowly returned and
the dark thoughts were chased away. She wouldn't torture herself. No, she would learn and become stronger. She could do it. She wasn't alone anymore. A shadow of a smile reached her lips but quickly disappeared.

"I want to work this out Trevor. I want to be stronger for you, for the squad, and for myself. I'm tired of these dark thoughts that always me lead to doubt. I don't want to consider this as giving up,
but maybe as a new beginning?"

She leaned over the table, offering her hand for Trevor to take. He smiled a sad, understanding smile, but took her hand and gripped it tightly, offering whatever reassurance he could.

-----------------------
Nazgul Squadron

SC/FM Tokijin/Nazgul 2/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Denfensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=*A*=)

~ Tokijin ~

(OOC: Don't worry Shaz, We've got stuff planned out for this story. I'm going to post in a little while here, I'll edit this post.

EDIT: Well, that was smart of me. Shit. Delete this one, shaz/art/jaden/whoever?

-----------------------
FL/MCPO/Trevor Evenson/Nazgul 9(3-1)/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/DEF/VEN/VE/(=*A*=)(=*SA*=)[VC:B][SWC][LSM]

The VEN`s #1 writer as of ESC `06

"The Doashim?" Tokijin looked at the bulletin, not getting it at first. "Oh! The Doashim! Art's ship. You saying I should work on the Doashim?"

"Yeah," Trevor nodded, still studying the sheet and then turned to Toki. "I think it would be the best place if any for you to go." Toki listened to him and let the thought sink in and nodded.

"Yeah, that could work." She thought about what it would be like aboard the ship for a moment. But she suddenly remembered something. "I need to talk to Shazam. If not meet in person, I need to send in a request to leave Nazgul and go on the Doashim." Trevor nodded. "That would be a wise idea." Tokijin studied the bulletin board one more time, making sure to read everything written on the sheet once more thoroughly. She was going to do it. She wouldn't be a pilot anymore. She felt suddenly burned out, the rush of energy from before faded and she rested her forehead on Trevor's shoulder.

"This is it." She took a breath and slipped her hand in Trevor's and looked up at him. "Walk with me?" Trevor gave her a soft smile and followed behind Toki as she led him away from the board, into the hall. Just for a moment, Toki wanted to step away from it all. Forget where she was and what she was about to do. She would go to Shazam tomorrow but for now she just wanted to spend a moment with Trevor.

She stayed close to Trevor as they walked, not letting his hand escape hers. She heard him sigh and she looked up at him, searching his face for the reason of the sigh. She quickly figured it out. They wouldn't be able to do anything like this as frequently as they had been and this would probably be one of the last times they could just walk together for a while. What would she do while she was on the Doashim? She wasn't quite sure if what position she'd take up. She would want something that would keep her busy and refrain her mind from wandering, not one that she would sit around all day. She get bored so easily and would lose interest in her job.

She shook her head, chasing away the thoughts. She had time to think about that later. Trevor looked down at her at the motion. "Hm?" questioning her. "What? Oh, nothing. My mind keeps wandering and I don't want to think about anything right now. I can do all that tonight when I'm having a hard time getting to sleep, heh." She knew she was going to have a heck of a time getting to sleep. She didn't think her restless thoughts would settle down by the time sleep was needed. "Ah.."

As they walked she spotted a window steering them towards it, quickening her steps. After being inside these walls for a while she had a longing to gaze at the sky again. She rested her forehead on the cool glass, and closed her eyes. It felt good and it helped steady her thoughts. Maybe it was time for her to retire to her room. There were still decisions she needed to make. And it wasn't like she was leaving tomorrow, right?

She opened her eyes and stared out into space. "It's beautiful. I'm going to miss it." She then moved close to Trevor, leaning against him. "But I'm going to miss you even more." Trevor wrapped his arm around her. "I'm going to miss you too."

***

Tokijin layed on her bed, her head buried in her pillow. After Trevor had walked her back to her room she had just layed around, her thoughts chasing away any chances of sleep she had.

"Toki, you'll be fine. You have nothing to worry about." She spoke to herself often when she was alone and this time was no exception. "But it's not yourself who you're worried about is it?" She looked up around her room. She would go to Shazam tomorrow, seeking not only permission but also advice if he had any to offer.

But after thinking it over, she had decided she would work as a technician. She had heard that the Doashim wasn't in the best shape, and lots of help was needed in that field. Not only would she learn a lot that might come in handy later, but if she was working a lot she wouldn't become focused on other things. "Oh God, I'm going to miss them all." But there always was Art. So she wouldn't be starting off totally alone. And she would meet people...A friend aboard the ship would really help her. She couldn't handle being alone. Not again...

She sighed and got up. It was time to get ready for bed and maybe sleep would be merciful tonight.
 
-----------------------
Nazgul Squadron

SC/FM Tokijin/Nazgul 2/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Denfensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=*A*=)

~ Tokijin ~

*Before Trevor's Post*

Tokijin hit the alarm on her clock off before it even turned on. She had been drifting in and out of sleep all night, and it hadn't felt like she had slept at all. She slowly moved into a sitting position, feet hanging off the bed. She rubbed her face viciously and ran a hand through her hair. She wasn't ready to move, not yet. This was one of the few times she had ever woken up early voluntarily, and she figured she would accidentally fall back asleep. But quickly Toki was wide awake, and got up. She felt like she had to do something before the want and need for sleep came back. She needed to talk to Shazam.

She quickly got dressed, yanking her hair into a bun and pulling on her shoes. She made a move for the door, but stopped suddenly and turned back around to stare at the drab place. She knew it as it appeared, just a simple room. But she also knew it as home. And she knew that this couldn't be replaced. If she called anything else home, she knew it would be just a lie. A simple lie. She had lied to herself before. She told herself so many things, so many reassurances just to make all the pain go away. She had convinced herself that parts of her yesterday didn't happen and that things that seemed out of her reach really weren't.

She placed a hand on the wall and spoke, "I will return." She realized now, this wasn't a lie. She wasn't just trying to make the pain in her heart disappear. No, she would come back. And she would come back stronger, so that she would be able to face the truth head on. This was her goal, and it wasn't out of her reach.

Tokijin walked through the doorway, head held high. She was on a mission and she wasn't backing down.

***

It had taken Tokijin a while to find Shazam. She wasn't quite sure where to look but after a bit of wandering she found him. She was surprised when he told her he was more than done with the papers for her transfer. All they needed was a signature from Art. How did he know?

"Oh..Did Trevor tell you?" She asked hesitantly and she was slightly confused by how he was so prepared about this, but not completely lost. Maybe Trevor just wanted to give Shazam a heads up? Or something else?

"I figured it mostly out on my own." Shaz said lightly. Confusion still gripped at Toki and she tried to pull away.

"Was I that obvious?" She felt a little ashamed that she was easy enough to read and looked down at her feet. Shazam shook his head.

"One tends to notice things, Toki. You weren't yourself after that mission." She looked up at him, drawing in his words carefully, trying to find their meaning. "You didn't walk with the same confidence you had before and you seemed sad all the time, at least when you weren't with Trevor anyway. I could tell you weren't comfortable being here and I was thinking you might have wanted to leave." Shazam looked at her with a smile. "You'll find what you're looking for, Toki. We'll miss you, so come back alright?" He put a light hand on her shoulder, offering her his best wishes and sent her on her way.

She left him dazed, but soon a smile found her lips and she was glad to have his support. Now she was off to find Trevor, feeling content and light-hearted.

***

It didn't take long to find him. He was hanging out in one of the rec rooms and she quickly joined him on the couch, their conversation light. But dread quickly filled her heart as she realized the consequences her actions had on Trevor. They would hardly ever get to see each other, and would they still be able to talk frequently? Her words and thoughts came slowly and every feeling of regret and sadness filled her. She gripped his hands tightly, seeking the warmth of his touch like a boat lost at sea sought the light of a beacon to find its way home.

Why did there have to be such a great distance between them? Why couldn't things be easier? Why did she feel like she was so hopeless and lost even when all she needed held onto her strong like an anchor? She rested her forehead on Trevor's shoulder and squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want the tears to come, but they had a mind of their own, screaming out what her heart was dying to say by the simple action of falling down her face. Why couldn't she be strong? She began to shake and her throat began to hurt, dying to release the loud sobs that she wouldn't release.

"I'm here, don't worry. Right now, I'm here." She could hear the affection in his voice and tried to calm her breathing so she could at least manage to get out a sentence

"I know you're here.." She opened her eyes, her vision blurred from the tears. "I know you are...I just don't know how long you will be for." She let the tears fall freely. She couldn't fight her feelings. They had been built up for so long, stopped by a barricade of self-doubt. She hadn't wanted anyone to see her cry. It showed how weak she really was. But after years, Trevor had brought the wall tumbling down and she surrendered.

"Well, I guess what I meant was..." Trevor started, "Think we've got what it takes to keep this going over a distance bigger then we can probably imagine?" She didn't respond, assuming he would continue. "Cause I sure do." Through all her tears, a small laugh escaped her tears, bringing along a smile. She looked up at Trevor and let go of one of his hands so she could wipe away some of the tears. She wasn't alone, and that strength she had been deprived of for so long was within her reach. She had motivation, an inspiration now. She wouldn't become strong for herself, but for everyone she loved and cared about.

"I believe we can too." The smile still hadn't faded and she squeezed his hand and moved to give him a kiss and settled back down in his arms. "We most certainly can." Her throat hurt and was dry but she felt nothing to remove the smile from her face. She closed her eyes. The tears had brought relief and realization, but they took away what little energy she had. "Thank you Trevor." At that he pulled her close and it was all she could do to stay awake.

"Heh, I'm sorry, but I think I'm about to fall asleep on you." She wrapped her free arm around him and all the noises that had once surrounded her were blocked out and she feel asleep to the rhythm of one's breathing.

***

For entering sleep so peacefully, she sure didn't leave that way. Her dreams were haunting and unmerciful. At first everything was fine, her dreams were interesting, but they lead her deeper into sleep, and trapped her within the darkest part of her mind.

Tokijin stood in a dark room. A lone light bulb flickered above her head and a rusty door was the only thing in the room. The dismal place gave her shivers and she reached for the doorknob, curious as to why it didn't open on it's own. She slowly pulled the door open, peeking out into the harsh light before swinging it all the way open. She stepped out into the light and her feet sunk slightly into the ground, the damp moss almost covering her feet from view. She looked around. She was back on Farhen Rina. Why? She turned around wanting to reach back for the door but it was gone, leaving her surrounded by water and various vegetation. She looked around, trying to find somewhere to go without having to dive into the depths of the water. The water was murkier than usually, not giving off the same sparkling reflection that it usually did when the sun hit it. Toki looked up at the sky and saw the sunlight was fading away. She recalled this place and knew she was far from the town. She jumped up to reach a tree branch to swing her away from the small island she was trapped on. Solid ground was hard to find and one had to get wet whenever exploring.

As much as she hated to admit it, she hadn't lost her ability to get around the small, seemingly desolate planet. As she made her way, she began hearing voices. Two of them it sounded like. She slowed her pace to try and sneak up on the people, wanting to know who it was. Wait..Those were children's voices..Why did they sound so familiar? She came upon a larger clearing with two figures.

"We have to go home! My mom is going to kill me!"

"Oh hush, you say that everytime you don't want to do something. Don't you want to see what else is out there?" She realized it was herself at a smaller age about 10 or 11. Toki's mouth hung in horror as she realized what day she was reliving. She had been mistaken and they were fairly close to the house. She looked up above the treetops and the familiar black dots spotted the darkening sky. Rebel reinforcements. A few moments later the sound of gun fire filled the air and all three of them looked up at the sound. Only the older Toki knew what was coming.

Tokijin's only childhood friend moved protectively in front of her, using himself as a shield for the trouble he knew was coming.

"Toks, you gotta get outta here. You and I both know what that sound is." Toki had always remembered this day. It could be replayed in her mind as clear as crystal. She remembered every detail and every thought. She had been scared and she ran away from the only friend she had known, letting him face the dangers alone. She should have dragged him with her. But he was too stubborn and was going to be the distraction while she ran. She had hated herself for the decision and tears filled her eyes, blurring her surroundings. She saw the rebels enter the clearing, and she watched as her friend fell to the ground. She turned away and fell to her knees, pleading with herself to wake up. Slowly, her surroundings began to fade away, leaving her in the darkness. But mercy was the last thing she was to recieve.

The darkness faded to light and Toki was soon staring at the a tiled floor of a ship. She looked around. Men and women of all ages were scurrying around and the entire ship tremored. Where they under attack? She slowly stood up, not all that curious to see what was going on. Her knees throbbed but she ignored it and sought out someone. She grabbed a man's arm, making him look at her.
"What the hell is going on? Whose fighting?" The man looked at her with pure hatred and shook her off of him.

"We're fighting that damned Empire. We're beating them down though. They've only got their Nasul squadron left." His face turned from anger to malicious pride and stalked off. Nasul? Nazgul! She ran to a window to see if she could spot the battle. She looked about the vast space and saw an imperial TIE. Why was she on the rebels' ship? Her heart skipped a beat as she saw the Rebel was overcoming the TIE and a silent explosion filled the darkness of space. Tokijin sank to the ground pounding on the wall as shouts of joy filled the ship. That was Trevor...And everyone else in Nazgul..If she had been there to fight by his side, maybe the outcome of this battle could have been different. But soon the shouts of joy changed to alarm as she heard footstep come towards her.

"Get her! A enemy pilot! Get the sonova-" She looked up as tears streamed down her face as people surrounded her. Was it really such a big deal to take out a defenseless girl pilot? Shoot me...Please...Release me from this pain.. A sound of a gun shot filled the air along with the angry voices, and Tokijin's world went black.

She woke with a start, tears of regret falling down her face and coldness swept in and left her shivering. She felt confused and it took her a second to figure out where she was. She felt the warmth of a person next to her and realized she was still on the couch with Trevor. She released the grasp she had had on him and bent over, her head resting in her hands, still in shock from the dream.

"Toki, what's wrong?" A look of pure concern planted itself on Trevor's face as he questioned her. She only shook her head, all words escaping her. She rubbed her face, trying to stop the tears. It was only a dream. Part of that dream she hadn't had in at least three years. Each time she relived that one moment in time, and each time it ended the same no matter what she tried to do, all her actions were futile. But the other part...She wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

Her throat throbbed with immense pain, begging her for a drink. She swallowed and managed a sentence.

"A..bad..dream..." She shook her head, hoping that Trevor would realize she didn't want to talk about it. A sob escaped her throat and hoarsely whispered, "I..need water," and moved to stand but stars filled her vision and she swayed. There was a water tank at the end of the room that she was aiming towards, but she was more concerned about calming herself. Trevor pulled her back down onto the couch and got up to get the water for her. He offered it to her and she accepted greedily, drinking down all that the small cup contained.

She sunk back into the couch, nodding a thanks to Trevor. Thoughts filled her head. What if while she was gone Trevor got killed and if she had been there with him she might have been able to stop it?

"Damn." She rubbed her eyes as thoughts of fear and regret filled her. How could she leave him? She hadn't even bothered to remember that he would still be putting his life in danger by ascending to the sky. Was she that self-concerned and close minded? Maybe she wouldn't go.

No. She couldn't go.

-----------------------
Nazgul Squadron

SC/FM Tokijin/Nazgul 2/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Denfensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=*A*=)

~ Tokijin
~

*** Before Toki's Latest Post ***

Trevor sat back down next to Toki after getting some water from the cooler for her. She had fallen asleep next to him, causing his arm to fall asleep from the slight weight of her head against his shoulder. It hadn't bothered him any, so he didn't bother trying to move it. He could still feel it tingling though as he tried to rub the life back into it.

"Really bad dream then, eh?" Trevor asked as Toki rubbed her already red eyes. He couldn't tell if they were irritating her yet or not, but he pulled one of her hands away from her face. "Don't do that so much, you're going to hurt your eyes."

"Thanks..Yeah, it was a bad dream. I don't really want to talk about it though." She told him truthfully, squeezing her hands between her knees as if trying to keep them from rubbing her eyes. She leaned against Trevor and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, trying to remove the images that had almost burnt themselves onto her eyelids from her bad dream.

"Alright, I won't talk about it then." Trevor replied, once again putting his arm around her shoulders and expecting another numbing feeling soon. It never came though, because Toki decided to get to her feet and drag him up by the hand with her.

"C'mon, I don't want to spend the whole day sitting there crying..lets go do something." She told him, seeming somewhat enthusiastic. Trevor smiled and let her lead him to where she planned to go.

*** Later ***

Trevor was once again walking Toki back to her quarters for the night. She was in a bit cheerier of a mood then before, having brightened up after some lunch and hanging out.

"Will you come and see me off tomorrow?" Toki asked Trevor as they stood in front of her door. She was holding his hand tightly, as she had been most of the day. He looked down at their hands and smiled, then looked back up at her.

"I'll be here first thing in the morning." He replied, and then leaned down slightly to give her a kiss. "You go get some sleep, big day for you tomorrow." He told her as he drew back. She nodded and gave his hand another little squeeze before quietly saying goodnight and releasing his hand. She disappeared behind the door and it hissed closed.

After returning to his room, Trevor noticed that he had a message from Jaden telling him that they would be having a briefing the following day. He had been kind enough to send the information to Trevor about their mission, and Trevor was relieved to see it would be nothing more then a simple escort mission.

Thank God for that...I'm glad it'll be something easy for the first time out without Toki...It won't be the same without her...I hope I'm not to distracted while flying... He thought to himself as he got undressed and pulled himself into bed. He wasn't looking forward to seeing Toki off, but knew that if she wanted to come back a better pilot, the break would do her good. As long as she could keep herself from worrying about him.

*** The Following Morning ***

It was hardly after 8:30 when Trevor showed up at Tokijin's quarters and she quickly let him inside, hardly even saying 'good morning'. That was how he knew something was wrong with her, but didn't plan to bring it up. There were some times he was safer off just letting things roll by, and he hoped that this was one of those times, otherwise she'd take his silence as inconsiderance. He was lucky.

"I'm just about ready...well, not so much ready. I'm almost packed." She told him, spitting out the word 'packed' with a slight bit of anger, as if the word tasted bad. She violently threw a few pairs of socks into her duffle bag and as Trevor looked around he noticed that all the drawers were open and empty, and that the floor had been picked clean of the belongings she could fit in the bag. "Alright, lets go." She said as she zipped up the bag and headed towards the door, not even looking at him as she did so. Trevor got up to follow her out but noticed a book sitting on the bed that she hadn't picked up. He recognized it as her doodled on sketchbook, one he had seen her drawing in more times then he could remember. The front was now decorated with hearts, but he didn't spend any time admiring it.

He darted out the door and jogged down the hall to catch up to her. She turned and gave him a funny look as he tried to catch his breath.

"What?" He asked, coughing a little and breathing deeply.

"I see why you didn't join the army." She replied, and for the first time that morning he say a flicker of a smile cross her face. He smiled back and nodded, momentarily forgetting about the book he was holding in his hand.

They spoke little as they made their way to where the Doashim was docked, and were met by a huge group of other people who apparently were boarding the Doashim as well. Some looked fairly nervous, and Trevor hoped Tokijin would find someone to befriend and keep her mind from constantly wandering to himself.

"Now we just wait..." Trevor said to her as she dropped her bag and looked towards the crowd of people. It didn't take him long to realize she had left her comfort zone far behind in her quarters, and that although he might have been a 'mobile comfort zone', he wasn't having a whole lot of effect now. Shyness filled her eyes and she jammed her hands into her pockets, staring at the floor.

"Trev...I don't want to go." She mumbled to her feet, Trevor hardly catching the words she said. For a moment he just stood looking at her, but that changed quickly as he wrap both arms around her in a tight hug.

"You'll be fine, don't worry. Art will be there, you know him. I'm sure you'll get along just fine with the crew." He assured her, rocking her back and forth, realizing that once again she was crying. She pulled her hands out of her pockets and held on to Trevor for dear life, trying to think of what she wanted to say.

"Its not that..." She said between deep, raggedy breaths. She looked up at him through watery eyes as she continued to speak. "I'm worried about Nazgul...I'm worried that if I leave something bad might happen cause I'm not there...Most of all though, I'm worried about you." She told him, stopping to press her face against his chest and try to stem the flow of tears. "I'm being selfish by leaving. You guys faced just as much danger as I did, and I'm just wussing out and trying to escape." She said, her voice muffled to Trevor.

"No, you're not wussing out..." He said, rubbing her back with one hand and trying to keep himself calm. She was right, Nazgul did put themselves in danger each time they flew, but that didn't mean she was just trying to escape. "You need a break, and this will get you that break. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." He whispered to her, looking up for a moment to see if anyone was looking at them weird. No one was, and he wasn't totally surprised to see that other new Doashim crew members were having similar experiences with their own loved ones.

"But in my dream...you...you died. And my dreams always mean something." She said slowly, managing to control her tears as she explained. "I've lost important people in my life...I don't want it to happen again." She told him, and he was almost surprised. She had managed to keep the tears from returning and was fighting them back even better then before.

"It was just a dream. I promise nothing will happen to me. Besides, I'm part of Nazgul. We've had hardly any casualties, and I'm flying with the best. What could possibly happen?" He asked with a grin, in an attempt to make her laugh. He succeeded, smiling as he heard her giggle slightly.

"That's the kind of cockiness that makes me dislike you. It's a small price to pay for everything else I get though." She said, with a smile, removing one arm to wipe her eyes on her sleeve. When she pulled her head back to do so, she noticed the wet spot on the front of his shirt. She had picked to place her head right on the fabric, rather then on any part of the comfortable jacket he was wearing. "Oh, you're going to look silly walking around with that wet spot on your shirt."

"That's ok, I just have a briefing today." He told her. She looked at him, kind of shocked. Oops...Maybe I shouldn't have said that so soon... He thought to himself, mentally slapping his forehead.

"A briefing? You're out on a mission? But..." She said, trying to hide her annoyment. She thought he'd be there the whole time, maybe even walking aboard the ship with her and helping her find her new quarters, if they let him aboard. Now that wasn't going to happen, and she felt herself feeling alone again.

"Its nothing, just an escort. Virtually no danger on this one. I'll send you a message of how it was when we get back, which should be sometime two days from now." He told her. She nodded, convincing herself that he wouldn't be in any danger. Just as she was about to tell him something else a quiet beeping went off from his wrist. "Crap...I have to go now actually, that'd be Jaden telling me to get my ass in gear." He said solemnly.

Tokijin nodded and slowly let him go. "I'm going to miss you so much, it'll be hell." She told him, not quite ready to let go of his hands yet. He managed to slip one hand out though, and reached down to grab the sketchbook he had forgotten about earlier.

"You forgot this back in your cabin. I thought you'd want it." He said, holding up the book that now had a few wet splashes on the cover from where her teardrops had fallen past him and landed on it. She looked at the book for a moment and then pushed it back towards him.

"You keep that one, I've got a new one in my duffle bag." She said with a smile, sounding kind of happier than before. "Alright...you go. You're going to be late for your briefing." She told him.

"It's just a briefing..."

"It's you're first as XO, it's important."

"Alright..." Trevor replied, tucking the sketchbook into his jacket and leaning down to give her a kiss. She held him in the kiss longer then he expected though, not that he was going to complain. As she pulled away from him he only wished it could have gone a little bit slower.

"Take care of my sketchbook for me." She said, turning to grab her duffle bag as her eyes once again blurred with tears.

"I'll keep the sketchbook safe; I want you to worry about keeping yourself safe. Art'll be counting on you." He said, his eyes beginning to get slightly watery as well. She grinned and then unexpectantly threw her arms around his neck.

"I love you, don't go dieing on me." She said, laughing through her tears.

"I won't, I love you to." Trevor replied. Tokijin slowly let go and then looked down at the floor.

"I mean that when I say it..." She said, looking from the floor to his eyes.

"I mean it too."

*** A Minute Later ***

Trevor had had to force himself to finally say goodbye to Tokijin. His shirt was no longer damp from her tears alone, as some of his had fallen and mixed with them. After he left he looked just as solid as he normally did, the corner of a blue sketchbook peeking out from around the edge of his jacket. He walked around the corner and right into a man about the same age as himself. The other man fell backwards to the floor, dropping his duffle bag.

Trevor reached down and grabbed the bag, then helped the man stand up.

"I'm so sorry...Mr..." Trevor said, offering his hand for the man to shake.

"Rollan...erm, Dahar Rollan." The man said, shaking Trevor's hand. "It's not big deal, I hadn't been watching where I was going...Little preoccupied with the Doashim and all."

"You're boarding the Doashim?" Trevor asked, giving the man another quick scan. He looked as if he could pass for a tech or a pilot, depending on the uniform one were to put him in. A man the same height as Trevor, built fairly similar, Dahar had short dark hair and green eyes that stood out against his hardly tanned complexion.

"Yeah, I'm one of the new crew. Why?"

"Would you be willing to do me a favor?" Trevor asked, but didn't give the man a chance to reply. "If you meet up with a girl named Tokijin, do you think you would watch out for her for me? Make sure she doesn't end up getting herself in over her head, if you know what I mean." Trevor said.

"Well, I dunno if I'll meet up with her at all, but if I do I'll do my best. Girlfriend? Wife?" Dahar asked Trevor.

"Girlfriend. And if you get any ideas while I'm not there...It won't be pretty." Trevor warned him.

"Heh, I'll try not to." Dahar replied with a light laugh. Trevor nodded and grinned, hoping the man would have taken him seriously.

"Thanks. She's a fairly tall girl, and she's got long dark hair. What should give her away though is the blue hair tips. Not many people have 'em." Trevor explained.

"Ah, all right. I'll watch for her then." He replied.

"Thanks, nice to meet you Dahar. I've got a briefing to be getting to, so I'll talk to you later." Trevor said, giving Dahar's hand a hard shake and trying to squeeze past him.

"Wait, briefing? You're a pilot?" Dahar asked, grabbing Trevor's arm.

"Yeah, Nazgul XO." Trevor replied. "Anyways, see ya around." With that, Trevor briskly walked off.

"I'll make sure to watch out for her if I see her." Dahar yelled back, and Trevor nodded his thanks over his shoulder. As for not getting any ideas... Rollan thought to himself, We'll just have to see how pretty of a girl this Tokijin is...If he's in Nazgul Squadron, he might not be around for too long. I hear they sometimes take up suicide missions.

*** Five Minutes Later ***

Trevor reached out and shook Jaden's hand.

"You got my message then?" Jaden asked, his eyes migrating towards Trevor's damp shirt. "And how did you mange that. Spill your glass?" The commander asked.

"Nah, had to see Tokijin onto the Doashim. You ready for this briefing?" Trevor explained, finishing up with a question.

"Yeah. You go wait in the auditorium; I'll just be a few minutes. Everyone should have shown up by now." Jaden told him, then gave him a pat on the back and pushed him through the door of the auditorium.


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XO/MCPO/Trevor Evenson/Nazgul 9(3-1)/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/DEF/VEN/VE/(=*A*=)(=*SA*=)[VC:B][SWC][LSM]

The VEN`s #1 writer as of ESC `06

As Tokijin walked, she noticed for the first time the differences between the Atrus and the Doashim. First thing she noticed had to have been the smell. It was different and wasn't sure what to call it. She scratched her nose and continued on, ignoring the new smells. She also noticed the people seemed to be more in a hurry to get where they were going. Some even looked to the point of going to a mental meltdown from stress.

Looking around, she began to let her mind wonder off to who this Dahar person was. Was he supposed to train her? Or was she just going to helping him? Or maybe he was another new crew member and they were supposed to learn together. She sighed once more. She closed her eyes for a moment, imagining herself back on the Atrus. At least there she wasn't so clueless and alone as she was here. She wished she could feel the warmth of Trevor again. Another thing she noticed about the Doashim that it was at a colder temperature than what she was used to. She was going to have to do some major adapting in the next few days. Eyes now open, she looked down at her only guide. Time to find out where she was supposed to be.

"Hm-oof!" A gasp escaped her and Tokijin realized she had made the mistake of taking her eyes off where she was going in these crowded halls. Her arms flailed as she tried to grab hold of something but her hands caught only air and she landed hard on the ground.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Man, I'm seem to be running into everyone today." She sat there for a second, rubbing the elbow she landed on when a man's hand appeared in her view and she looked up at who had knocked her down. He didn't look that much older than herself, but from her angle he also looked taller than her.

"Yeah.." Great. Thanks. She looked around, now slightly annoyed, for her sheet before she took his hand, not wanting to lose that, and took his hand, letting him pull her to her feet.

"Sorry 'bout that." He shook her hand and studied her face before releasing her from his firm grasp. "The names Dahar. I don't believe I caught yours."

She stuck her hand in her pocket, not exactly wanting to introduce herself to the man and not too greatful he had held on to her hand longer than she was comfortable with. But she didn't exactly want to be alone on this huge ship either. Wait...Did he just say Dahar? Introductions would be fine.

"I never gave it. But I'm Toki...Dahar Rollan? I believe I was given a set of instructions to find you." She looked down at the sheet again, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"Ah, prefer to jump right into business I see. Yeah, that's me. I think I was to find you also but I lost those papers, so I don't really know." He shrugged, not seeming to care that he lost something of such important.

"Uh, alright. Well, is there anything you can tell me? Like, where to go maybe?" She looked around. She was still concerned about finding her way around. Hopefully this guy would know enough to be able to help her. 

"Mhm. I can help you. Now that I've found you, we need to go find a technician that knows more than us. Preferrably not a new crew member." He looked around. Tokijin looked at him curiously. He found her? Did he run into her on purpose? He started walking away from her and Toki ran after him, not wanting to get lost. Would he tell be able to tell her anything?

"So..Where are we going now?" She caught up to him, but only after bumping shoulders with several others to get to him.

"I don't know. This place is today new to me. I don't know where I'm going. Do you know where we're going?" He looked down at her, smiling slightly.

A confused smile crossed her face. "Uh, I'm about as clueless as you. Probably even more so."

He stopped walking for a moment and scratched his head, taking in his surroundings. She thought of this man as a strange and interesting character. But his slight aloofness brought a smile to her face and she shook her head. "Hm. Well if we keep walking maybe we'll find that we're where we need to be. Orrr...We could always ask someone." He looked down at her with a cocky grin on his face. "Ever think of that before?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. Of course I've thought of that.." She looked away, her smile vanishing. He was mocking her now. Fantastic. He might not be as friendly as she had thought.
"Oh come on. Don't get angry with me now. We might be stuck together for a while. No need to get off on the wrong foot, hm?" He playfully punched her on the arm and walked away from her, off to question someone nearby. She held her arm where he had punched him. "Yeah. Great. Stick together..Sure.."

She ran a hand through her hair and sighed, finding the wall to lean against while Dahar interrogated some poor person. At the moment all she wanted was her sketchbook, or maybe message Trevor. But hopefully she would be able to get to work soon. She wanted to take her mind off things and this brown haired, green-eyed wonder wasn't doing much to help her current situation. She rubbed her face, suddenly remembering the briefing that had happened early today. Nazgul was going out on another mission. She closed her eyes and sighed. She would have to get used to not going on missions anymore. Keep her feet firmly planted..Well not really on the ground, but as close to ground as she could get.

"Hey, Toki. I know where to go now." Rollan had returned and Toki sighed as she pushed away from the wall.

"Lead the way."

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Nazgul Squadron

SC/FM Tokijin/Nazgul 2/Wing 1/mSSD Atrus/Denfensive Fleet/VEN/VE (=*A*=)

~ Tokijin ~

Le Tally.
 
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WADJ, SPAC/1LT Corran "Arturus" Hargraves/SCR Doashim/VE/VEN/(=A=)(=SA=)(=*MA*=)(=JCPA=)(=SCPA=)[MC:1](x2)[SV][BRC][VC:B][CBV][LSM][LoC][BWC][SWC][GWC]


"The way of war is a way of deception. When able, feign inability; when deploying troops, appear not to be. When near, appear far; when far, appear near. Lure with bait; strike with chaos. If the enemy is full, be prepared. If strong, avoid him. If he is angry, disconcert him. If he is weak, stir him to pride. If he is relaxed, harry him; if his men are harmonious, split them. Attack where he is unprepared; appear where you are unexpected. This is victory in warfare; it cannot be divulged in advance. Victory belongs to the side that scores most in the temple calculations before battle. Most spells victory; least spells defeat; none, surer defeat. I see it in this way, and the outcome is apparent." -- Sun Tzu

"Ultimate excellence lies not in winning every battle but in defeating the enemy without ever fighting." -- Sun Tzu