It's a good start, but I'm going to have you amend a few things:
1) Watch the grammar - please proofread your posts before publicizing them.
2) Refrain from using anything Jedi/Sith/Force related. It may/may not interfere with our official time line, and we currently do not allow members to have any actions of trained Force-sensitive/general Force-sensitive individuals involved in their history.
3) This is just an outline, so nothing large is expected of you, but I would suggest that you think up a more in-depth character biography because you will be expected to create a full one later in your career.